Sweet 16

Sweet 16! Never thought I would spend my sweet 16th crying and wanting to be with my little brother. I wish I could start it over again. Maybe I wouldn't have felt in so much pain if Seth was here. Me and mom have talked about what if she got pregnant again. Someone our neighbor knows she lost a baby and then 3 months later she got pregnant again. I don't know how happy I would be about having another baby due around my birthday. I would be praying to god that everything would work out the way it should.


Maybe with the loss of Seth maybe god would give us twins. Maybe god has a plan with us maybe we had to lose Seth to have a chance at being blessed with the kids we do have. Like having one sister and four brothers. And maybe this is a lesson god is trying to teach us. Maybe there is something god will use us for. I've decided that when the time comes that I will be a great mother and take everyday like its my last. And then if god feels the need to bless me with just two kids I would take it. Or maybe he would bless me with 6 children. I wish there was someway to look and see what my life will look like when I have children. Maybe I would have as many as my mom has 6 kids would be great. Even if the boys out number the girls. I wouldn't care after losing Seth.


 I wouldn't care if I had one and have to adopt five otter kids. I wish I didn't have to wait so long though I wish I knew now. Not 10 years from now. I don't know how my life would be without the 4 siblings I have here on eatlrth I think if I would have only had Seth as the only sibling then my heart would have been crushed. I don't know how I would have been. Would I have been a mess? Would I not talk to anyone? Would I even believe that there would e a chance for my mom have another baby? Would I be worried about having my own kids? Our family does have death that runs in it. My great grandma lost her baby to stillness and then my uncle lost his son to SIDS. We thought it would never happen to us. My moms cusin lost his wife. So we never would have thought something like this would happen to o our family. All the other deaths were in thier family. Not ours. Never thought ours. I pray to god nothing like this would eve happen to me or any of my siblings. I never want this to happen again in my family.