If Only

If only. If only I wouldn't have done this if only.  I wouldn't have done that. If only Seth was breathing. If only Lydia didn't have NF.  If only my dad didn't do what he did but then if he didn't where would that lead Ben, Lydia, Adam, Caleb, or even Seth. If only I wouldn't have gotten in the car and rolled it down the hill. If only I didn't meet this stupid person. If only my mom could take me out all the time. If only we had lots of money. If only I had a car. If only what happened when I was a kid didn't happen to me. If only I was the only child. If only I didn't dye my hair. If only I never got my cat. If only my cat had lived and not died. If only I could stop saying if only.  If only if only if only if only.  I can play the stupid if only game for hours but it will never change what has already happened. If something didn't happen then where would i even be. My siblings, my life wouldn't go on without them. I wish I could go back so many times a day but if I did then most of the things I have now i wouldn't have then. Maybe I wouldn't have had Lydia maybe god would have taken her away because of her NF. But then would we have had Seth. If only.